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Page 1 of 31904 · PDF PAGE 63
dribble of three drops of the precious fluid soaked into her mug, and tickled up the ulcers of her throat. I was again a man. How inscrutable are the Ways of the Almighty ! From those three drops came my three sons ! Leila, her uvula irritated by the acrid fire of my ex- travagance, coughed it up and out. The three drops fell respectively upon the pouting birds nests of three Nunnery hacks, who happened to be frigging themselves with no fear of the future ! Nemesis overtook them ! One and all conceived and bare sons and called their names Jesu…
1904 · PDF PAGE 115
LIMERICKS I There was an old man of Manchuria, Who suffered from painful dysuria, It was not (yes, you thought it) From a girl that he caught it, But from trying to read Brownings Luria. II There was a young scholar of Spy Hill Who retired after lunch to a high hill. Said his friends Well, how was it ? A healthy deposit ? He sighed Vox, et praeterea nihil. III There was a young man of Cape Town, Who acquired European renown By sucking his come From his bugger-boys bum, Swallowing it, and keeping it down. IV There once was a Kensingt…
1904 · PDF PAGE 92
…s ! Unto Priapus. Thou God whom constantly I serve (As constantly as any can) Endow me with more strenuous nerve, Make me a mightier man ! Increase my powers of ejection ! Grant me more erection ! The god took heed unto his prayer A faithful servant deserves pay Yet, pondering, fingers run through hair, He curtly answered Nay His suppliant, wrathful, then departed Half broken-hearted. But Mercury had chanced to listen While these remarks were being made. His mischief-loving eyeballs glisten. He touched the man, and said : Priapu…
1904 · PDF PAGE 132
…true though, it sounds rather steep, That a ram can satisfy 80 sheep. Even so, I have doubts (though you tell me its true) If an 80 ram-man could satisfy you. [134]
1904 · PDF PAGE 6
sion ; but must we expect habits to be homoge- nous ? Must the religious man be also merci- ful ? We know that it is not so. In the infinite variety of character thus formed we occasionally meet a case in which distaste of the normal, vital scepticism, or some similar trait, may push the individual to contrary poles of thought and action. We shall err if we fail to rec- ognise the common basis of the audacities of piety and impiety which may manifest in the same man. As one of our great specialists has shewn, it is unphilosophical, indeed contr…
1904 · PDF PAGE 5
…irst sight it may seem that Science endorses this dogma in its fullest sense ; but the truth is that if we apply the fundamental fact to man, we are led into error. For the nature of no man is simple thorn or simple grape : in the incalculable tale of his ancestors must inevitably be found, not only both these types, but a host of others. Further, in the complex chemical nature of the cerebral secretions lies the profound possibility of extraordinary divergence from the normal. So many, so fickle, are the combinations which con- stitute Cerebri…
1904 · PDF PAGE 74
…ex- perienced from my sister and mother when they laid themselves out to give me a real good birthday, especially when my father, honest man ! Came to the rescue in his bluff hearty old English fash- ion. Ah ! [72]
1904 · PDF PAGE 4
…................................................128 9. Song. Bugger me gently, Bertie !................132 10. Song. Buggered by a black man ................133 11. Epigram.....................................................134 12. The automatic Girl.....................................135 13. Girls together.............................................138 14. Micturating Mary .......................................139 15. The Poet abroad.........................................141
1904 · PDF PAGE 37
…r, con- tinued the Archbishop, I was the means, under heaven, of saving the life of a valued member of society. The whisky-distiller had many connec- tions in the Highlands of Scotland, and no doubt the story of my exploit enlivened many a dull wet night in that dreariest of countries. Anyhow, one day my father came down from his office in a state of appalling excitement, waving a telegram. He masturbated four times in his anxiety to control his feelings, and let us have the news, which when read seemed as bald and colourless as the pee-hole of…
1904 · PDF PAGE 64
[62] CAPITULUM IX The secret of Leilas affection for me, said the good old man, withdrawing his dripping jiggling- bone from a six months kid spoilt by a sound, and inserting it in the still warm bowels of a still-born baby, was to be found in her fondness for the rapid and accurate repetition of the act of love. This I could supply, as you may imagine from my previ- ous story ; so we lived together in perfect harmony. Every month when her courses came on I revelled with peculiar lust in the miry bloodiness of her dearest bodily part. I would…
1904 · PDF PAGE 87
…lovely ! And she gave a delicious little sigh. Pardon this intrusion, Duchess, pray said a new voice, in the well-bred deferential manner that is so characteristic of diplomats. But is it the third Wednesday, is it not ? My dear Prince, how good of you to come. I was just hoping some one would drop in and cheer me up. This move has left me quite a wreck. Ah ! Duchess, you are more beautiful than ever. Bad man Yes, and deserve a better husband. Adam is as good as But his poor health. Hes had a cold ever since he…
1904 · PDF PAGE 131
SONG Buggered by a black man, Buggered by a Jew, Buggered by a gentleman In navy blue. The first costs a dollar, The second costs a quid, The third costs you nothing, But you have to keep the kid. One kids all right. Twins is a fraud, Triplets split yer arse, Yer bet yer bloody Gawd ! One Gawds Deism ; Twos Manichee ; Were bloody Prodestunts, We run three. Somes appy Cawthlics : Cuckolds an ores They like : in consikence Five they adores. All little buggers Whats gawt any sense Itches on a dildo, And damns the expense. [133]
1904 · PDF PAGE 14
…ckly were the swords beaten into absinthes, and the spears into tournedos ! S . . . , again, with a face like a portrait by Rembrandt, a man of no great intellect, but making no pretension thereto, how he was loved for his jolly humour, his broad smile, his inimitable sto- ries ! Yet it must not be supposed that the average man, however sincere, had much of a welcome there. Without intention to wound, he was yet hurt the arrows of wit shot over his head, and he could never feel at home. I am perhaps the one exception. Without a ghost of talen…
1904 · PDF PAGE 83
…over. The act was consummated ; gasping, heav- ing, and breathless ; they sink lower on the bed. Their tongues mingle lazily ; the elder man with- draws slowly ; a pleasant sound announces his exit. Hardly a moment and the boy gives his lover a sig- nal. The latter turns over while Ambrose rises and sits over him while the sweet salt offering, spiced now by the god to whom it is offered, trickles dain- tily into the open mouth of the languorous man. Then the boy slips down into his lovers arms : they share the incense with mingled mouths until…
1904 · PDF PAGE 39
staircase. By seven in the evening I was again in request. I was furious at the irony of my lot, for the corpse of a guardsman had caught my childish fancy, and the kingdom of England might have gone to hell for me I would rather have been strapped to the dead mans shako than wallow for a week in the royalist Busby in Christendom. But I had passed my word. I resumed the now dis- tasteful task. She has been like this for a month (I heard the Head Surgeon whisper to the German Ambassador, who had ventured to make his en- quiries with his Maste…
1904 · PDF PAGE 61
…d reasonably be firky-toodled any more. As long as anything that could be called Viscosity was inherent in the mass, I jounced it like a man. But this soon ceased : I reluctantly withdrew. Yet such was my love for my darling that I buggered a hole clean through his tomb- stone, and for six months I never left the hallowed spot. My spiritual superiors, however, soon put a spoke in my wheel. I should have been going on still, but they reminded me that I had a great ca- reer before me and that it was unworthy of a man how much more of a Christia…
1904 · PDF PAGE 95
That man he smiled ; and bade him mark A large blue paper signed and checked By Turquand, Bishop, Young and Clarke, As audited and found correct" Which said "accomplished in a month The seventeen million and sixty oneth ! They tried low diet, circumcision, Injection, medicine, inhalation, They tried a vain hypnotic vision, They tried cold water and castration, In vain the tool persistent stood it all ; Doctor and surgeon did no mortal good at all. The patient died. His coffin crowned with flowers From various ladies roses, lilies, laure…
1904 · PDF PAGE 93
…nd Without a maidens finger lifted Or touches from a harlots hand. No trusty tongue shall waste your money ; Nor sight of cunnie. The man rejoicing, went his way Exclaiming Thanks beyond expression He sought the Strand, and, sooth to say, Began to try his new possession. So, picking up a hoary harlot Who blushed quite scarlet At such immodest words addressed to her, Yet did not blush to ask five pounds, He took her home, and there confessed to her His admiration knew no bounds. And she agreed (vide the sequel) His power was equal. All ni…
1904 · PDF PAGE 121
…s to her belly ; He licked up the pus and distilled it for us ! With the toe-jam of M...e C.....i. To continue his plan he looked up a man, A fellow, who kept in the Cl.st.rs ; Who sucked off a pig (a magnificent frig) Chewed that, and gave Percy the oysters. Clap-juice he extracted from someone who acted In the F..tl...ts (his acting was grand) Then he sucked out the faeces and faeculent greases From 45 whores in the Strand. Still more to complete us he swallowed a foetus Stewed whole with spew, monthlies, and snot. The sauce was sublime ; i…
1904 · PDF PAGE 108
…S A BROTHEL All the worlds a brothel, And all the men and women whores and buggers. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time lets many farts. His arsehole being an octave. First the Infant Violently rogered by an aged duke : And then the frigging schoolboy, with his scrotum And shining gland, his spend mere slime of snail Unwilling from the tool. And then the lover Fucking like a furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress bottom. Then a soldier Full of stiff spunk and bollocked like the bull, Jealous of sapp…