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Page 1 of 21904 · PDF PAGE 51
…r despondent tickle-gizzard to a better condition if we look on a bit at the Archbishop, and his games. Surely he is asleep after such a night with the camel, I objected, for it was now morning, the expert melting-pot of the hot-arsed hogoninny having kept my metal at the point all night without ever giving it a chance to run over. Not he ! She sneered. He is now with his Venerable Aunt, as he calls her, a lascivious old woman if ever there was one ! A very gobble- prick ! A brimstone bunter ! But come ! You shall see them. We strolled into the…
1904 · PDF PAGE 74
greatest luck in the world, her monthlies had come on that very morning. Ay ! Lad, we dined well. Why should I dwell upon that night ? Four in a bed, we drenched the sheets again and again. Not Leila herself could give me half the rapture I ex- perienced from my sister and mother when they laid themselves out to give me a real good birthday, especially when my father, honest man ! Came to the rescue in his bluff hearty old English fash- ion. Ah ! [72]
1904 · PDF PAGE 130
…s what does the trick. Bugger me gently, Bertie ! My arse is rather tight. Tinkers tunkety tinkety tunk ! Well ram each other all night ! Bugger me gently, Bertie, or Ill blow off your balls with a fart ! Tinkety tunkety tinkety tunkety ! Softly now, dear heart ! O Bertie, Im in heaven ! I see the golden walls ! Tinkety tunkety tinkety tunkety ! Shove it up to the balls ! Jesus is waiting for me with the Holy Ghost up his bum : Tinkety tunkety tinkety tunk ! You bloody sod, youve come !
1904 · PDF PAGE 84
They never slept at all that night ; but I never heard either of them regret the fact. But Monty was terribly disgusted with Andrew, and when little Ambrose struck Monty (who had called him, with naive eloquence, Suck-shit ) the latter knocked him down and kicked him. The lieutenant, who was near, had to interfere, and the dark languor- ous boy was punished. This mean revenge (as he understood it) irritated Monty still more and he eventually refused to speak to Andrew at all. It was the night of a big dinner ashore and Monty Le W... had gone…
1904 · PDF PAGE 92
[92] III THE PARSONS PRAYER There was a priest who took much pleasure In amorous discourse onight. His only sorrow that a measure Was placed unto his might. He prayed let not his words escape us ! Unto Priapus. Thou God whom constantly I serve (As constantly as any can) Endow me with more strenuous nerve, Make me a mightier man ! Increase my powers of ejection ! Grant me more erection ! The god took heed unto his prayer A faithful servant deserves pay Yet, pondering, fingers run through hair, He curtly answered Nay His suppl…
1904 · PDF PAGE 39
…ther had thrown down its arms, and tossed off as one man. Yet a third was so worn by its debauchery with the gilded youth who haunt the Knightsbridge bars that the jury of matrons who examined them decided that to hurry them North was to waste the railway fares, and to raise false hopes in the nation. It was up to me ! Luckily, I was up to it. Hour after hour my gaudy bollocks jerked their wiry emissions into the apparently insatiable cut-and-come-again of this hot-arsed bawdy-basket. Night after night, with short intermissions at the arrival o…
1904 · PDF PAGE 140
…rouse me ; that were grand, My darling ! I cannot piss : I cannot shite. Come quickly to me, warm and white ! Well fuck like buggery all night, My darling ! Aye ! In your scented arms Ill creep. Well grip and kiss : well laugh and weep. And fuck each other off to sleep, My darling ! And after, when I come to die, Youll lift your hot lascivious thigh And squirt your spendings in my eye, My Darling ! [142]
1904 · PDF PAGE 94
…nd he, beginning vexed, Would end by sundry oaths in German, Whose tendency to edification Was not clear to his congregation. By day, by night, eternal stands ! One long continuous emission He left his cure in other hands And sought his cure of a physician, Who marvelled at his tale of tooling As at a pretty piece of fooling. But, soon convinced, he diagnosed This case as clearly as could be ; You suffer, sir (no, be composed !) From a mistaken chastity. Indulge your natural desires And quench those fires ! [94]
1904 · PDF PAGE 93
…s, He took her home, and there confessed to her His admiration knew no bounds. And she agreed (vide the sequel) His power was equal. All night he kept his engine going Much to the ladys satisfaction, Till in the morning, by her showing, His total (after due subtraction Of income-tax) was found in fine Eleven thousand and eighty nine ! Still, as through years the solid rocks stand, No weakness did this hero show. He still possessed a mighty cock stand When his fair mistress had to go, And he repaired to wash his balls Before he paid his social …
1904 · PDF PAGE 60
…the remains of my Stevie. Not without an effort to get even with the robber Death ! I flung myself upon the dear corpse ; I buggered him night and [58]
1904 · PDF PAGE 37
…The whisky-distiller had many connec- tions in the Highlands of Scotland, and no doubt the story of my exploit enlivened many a dull wet night in that dreariest of countries. Anyhow, one day my father came down from his office in a state of appalling excitement, waving a telegram. He masturbated four times in his anxiety to control his feelings, and let us have the news, which when read seemed as bald and colourless as the pee-hole of an albino baby. But there was a hidden mean- ing. The telegram read simply : Self incapacitated by overwork B.l…
1904 · PDF PAGE 86
…zed, just when I was feeling nice, it turned sick and collapsed, and took ten minutes to get well again. Why, I could have gone on all night without those silly intervals ! And the old fool says it tires him and he cant dig today because his back aches, so hes gone fishing. Fishing ! Ill fish him when he comes home. I believe hes gone to see that lioness he was so fond of in the old days. She was rude enough to both of us yesterday though-so are all the beasts since we ate that apple Lord God made all the fuss about. The serpents as much…
1904 · PDF PAGE 21
…ter reminded him of the system of payment by the line. I am myself paid so much a lie ! retorted the cleric, witty even after such a night as he had spent. But I see your point ! di- recting a sly glance at the newsmans disordered toi- let. May I order you a closed fly ? he added with a twinkle. But the reporter was hard at work scribbling down these scintillations in short hand. One must live, said the Daily M . . . er, look- ing up. I do not see the necessity retorted the other, straining after originality. But a ple…
1904 · PDF PAGE 46
…noon, and the bub and armpit joys that occupy the wise from five oclock to dinner. To me the nameless rap- tures of the evening and the night ! O fuck- ing ! What fun you are ! Sweet, when the morn is grey ; Sweet, when they clear away Lunch, and at close of day Possibly sweetest. But I am forgetting. The passion of the wild Bedawi for his untiring steed is indeed a theme for the noblest of poets. Here he indicated the camel Hassan with an airy wave of the hand, at the same time with incomparable dexterity directing the vast battering-ram…
1904 · PDF PAGE 10
…ers of the Army of Occupation, merchants, fish-porters, pimps, all the cream of Egyptian society and its dregs, gathered every Wednesday night to commit appalling orgies. He gave her to their tender mercies and saw her violated a dozen times before his eyes. In a month no more debauched woman walked the streets than this dainty English girl. She became a mother, after innumerable adul- teries on both sides, committed shamelessly in each others presence, even in spinthriae of ten or [6]
1904 · PDF PAGE 49
…le, and with a long and regular swing the Ship of the Desert continued his fascinating exercise. The Archbishop will go on like this all night, said a sweet voice behind me. I turned, and saw Leila, the black-bumboed blouzabella of his boy- hood. Come with me, she added, I can still beat you at cuddle-my-cuddie. She saw me hesitate, [47]
1904 · PDF PAGE 48
…a long story short, the K..g was so de- lighted with the Appendix-fuck of Kluckchoo, that he did absolutely nothing else all day and all night. Affairs of state went by the board, and to the cringing official who dared to remind him of his approaching coronation, he replied : Bugger the Coronation ! This language shocked the prudish English, and damaged the K..gs popularity in Non- conformist circles. His surgeons took a heroic course. While the royal pathic lay in the delirious trance of Kluckchoos emissions, they chloroformed him, and remov…
1904 · PDF PAGE 73
…turned my brain, I be- headed others, and plugged their windpipes with my rutilant ramrod, while the rest buggered me in turn. Not until night fell did I desist from the de- lightful sport, when my father exclaimed with a huge guffaw : By Gods bollocks, Galahad, but there is nobody to cook the dinner ! But my sister was as clever as she was beauti- ful and good. The overseers gathered a fire of sticks, and she soon had some capital nigger meat broiling. For soup she gave us some stallion jelly from her chocked-up cuckoos nest ; for fish the s…
1904 · PDF PAGE 83
…ing that Andrew could never be really enamoured of so vicious a boy, but what he saw three weeks after undeceived him. On this wise. One night the Captain, being restless, sug- gested a tour of inspection, and the two lovers stole quietly out of their cabin. They came after a time to where Andrew and Ambrose were, and were lucky enough to catch the former in the very act of sacrificing at the most holy altar, while the boy, turned half round, was gently chewing and licking the armpit of the perspiring lieutenant. One finger of his free hand sou…
1904 · PDF PAGE 12
… C . . . drove him headlong, as if by the Cherubim, from the Gates of the Garden of Eden. G . . . , the famous society painter, came one night, and was literally hounded out of the room by a swift and pitiless attack on the part of D . . . and the young ethicist. A bullet-headed Yan- kee, rashly supporting him, shared the same fate, and ever after sat in solitary disgrace downstairs, like a whipped hound outside its masters door. The subject of conversation did not mat- ter. A fool reveals himself, though he talk but of greasing gimlets, in su…