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…Soon his head is hiding : For love hath no abiding, But dies before the come ; So hath it been, so be it ! Get out of bed and pe ! It Is time the doctor see it, Or smell it : care I which ? Lest all who loved and licked your Fat oyster get a stricture : For though you are a picture, You are a rotten bitch. [101]
…d to growl and groan and grunt Because he could not ease a sub-editors mind when the paper was a column short and only an hour to press-time. Force so renewed his vital powers That he could keep it up for hours ; And now he wallows in a bluebook, The people call him Sunny Jim. [116]
…my efforts had I managed to do the 1000. I fancy that 900 is somewhere near my physiological limit for one bout, as it were. On the best time I ever did, the figures were : 0-100, 83 min. 101-200, 78 min. 201-300, 57 min. 301-400, 59 min. 401-500, 68 min. (Time lost on this heat by having to piss.) 501-600, 54 min. 601-700, 60 min. 701-800, 79 min. 801-900, 93 min. 901-1000, 266 min. 1001-1100, 793 min. [74]
… rot her rasp ! I have grown weaker, and I doubt if Leila herself could wake the old fuzzle for an hour or so. The flies were by this time a seeth- ing mass upon his manly master-member ; they fed like coffin-worms at a ladys eyes. The sad soul stiffened ; Captain Standish was himself again. This is an excellent method, explained the Archbishop ; I have known it to succeed even in the direst ex- tremity. When pross and prugge have done their dirtiest : when jill and jomer have given up the job : when Abbess and Artichoke have abandoned the …
…h ! To tell me about travail and labour and that rubbish-besides, a really nice God would keep his smoking-room jokes to himself another time. And the brute never made love either. Ill be even with him one day. I do wish this hole wouldnt itch. Rubbings no good-oh ! Its better when I rub hard. There ! Its started again now Ive left off. Ill rub harder this time. Ah ! Adam ! Adam ! Ha ! I thought I was with Adam Oh, how lovely ! And she gave a delicious little sigh. Pardon this intrusion, Duchess, pray said a new voice, in the w…
…n which I naturally relied to gain my point. But not for nothing had I been trained in the School of Mines ! (I thought you were at this time but seven years old, I ven- tured. He seemed not to hear.) By pulling at her bubbies by their nipples, which were an excellent grip, I was able to start a swinging movement, whose aim the charming but unscientific girl did not suspect. In a few moments my ponderous balls were again thundering on her already weak- ened isthmus, and at the same time I was gather- ing myself, excited by the voluptuous nature…
nothing about that unfortunate little contretemps of the Countess : and I hope to see you again some time, and I will go on with the story of my life. Au revoir, then, and farewell ! The Lord bless you, and keep you : the Lord lift up the light of his counte- nance upon you and give you peace : both now and for evermore, Amen ! He made the sign of the Cross, spat in my left eye, and spunked in my right ; then ushered me to the door with courtly politeness. At the gate he impressed a loving kiss upon my arsehole, and gave a final but business-li…
…ts and eructations as of a dyspeptic sow, while the sticky and purulent sweat ran over her blubber flanks. But at the expiration of that time, she was again ready for action, and indeed, seemed to be so set on edge by her involuntary abstention that I doubt whether after all I gained much by the interrup- tion. Hows the hot poultice for the Irish tooth- ache ? I whispered to the gluttonous and open- arsed schickster. Shit ! She sighed ; shut your mug and open your urethra, and get on with the bum tickling, cant you ? (I give you my word I had…
…brate it. His numerous negro slaves yes, friend H..msw..th, I know you think I am lying, but my father, though living in France at the time of my birth, had subsequently bought a plantation in the West Indies, and I had dutifully gone out there for the joyful celebration his numerous negro slaves as I said before oh yes, you are a clever fellow, I know slavery has been abolished in most of the West Indies, but my father lived on a secret island, which is not on the map, being protected from observation by the fogs produced by the in- ce…
…s in the arse than ever came out of it. Such was my fond farewell to Stephen Jimson. But Leila, who ran to embrace me, was for the first time in all her life defeated. For seven days she buffeted my beard-splitter like Palinurus and the waves ; but she too failed. I had broken every record in the long-distance competition : and I needed rest. Even the pelvis of my boy love failed to rouse me : once the reaction had set in, nothing could stop it. On the eighth day Leila fell back with a weary and long-drawn howl : on the twenty- sixth she recove…
…nstant destruction. When he learnt the trick that had been played on him, his anger was swallowed up in relief that it was not D.T. this time, and the humour of the thing striking him, he laughed and made me an Archbishop. Thus God can in his wonderful Work- ings bring good out of apparent evil. I had wished to dwell for awhile upon the de- lightful memory of my Leilas fly-by-night as it ap- peared in the all too brief period of her pregnancy. Imagine the gradual heaving up of her greasy belly under ones very fuck, the constant tickling of on…
…re was more to that quim than may appear on the surface. Vast and cumbrous as it appeared, at the first glimpse of my juvenile and at no time big twat-teaser, she screwed up the jaws of her rat-trap so that I subsequently (as you shall hear) had the utmost difficulty in effecting a lodgement. You have not long to wait, for excited by the voluptuous spectacle she afforded, I rushed upon her with my plug, like a ravening and a roar- ing lion. She caught me in her black and hairy arms, and gently commenced to chew my tender lips and to mouth them …
… to her lousy and pox-eaten touch-hole. She had long been L..s bit of fish, and now shared him with H...s. But they frigged most of the time, for the stench of S...ys cabbage was too niffy even for the nose of L..s, and their roots were hardly capable of a decent stand. Such specimens of worms I never hope to see or smell again, and I trust that you will forgive my polluting your ears, journalist though you are, with such noisome stuff. (I can vouch for the faith- fulness of this description, for I know the swine well enough, and in no other …
…g his head. But at this point a prowling megatherium wailed and Adam snatched up a sling and started off to drive him away. Eve lost no time in knocking violently on her belly. Time to get up, sir. Ill bring your hot water in a minute ! Satan awoke, and not being fond of wa- ter, hot or otherwise, unless with a considerable portion of Mammons old Highland Hell-fire, climbed down, put his head out, and asked what the devil the knocking was about. Get away, dear, Adams gone out for an hour, quick, and dont hurt me. No, Eve, I will s…
Celia I When Celia frigs my fat J.T., Her mouth is luscious as a pigs : I come three times in minutes three When Celia frigs. But when she fucks, what randy jigs She dances on my stiff pee-wee ! I leave plain buggery to prigs ! Her twat is deeper than the sea ; Her ulcers are like rotten figs ; It is a holy time for me When Celia frigs. II When Celia spends I send a card Inviting all my oldest friends To tea, if they can get a hard When Celia spends. It should be easy to make ends Meet, O good comrades of the bard ! Her twat gapes wide : wha…
…ushing me out ! Get up ! And Eve jumped up alarmed to find Satan quietly emerging from his citadel. Adam jumped for a club. But by the time he arrived a change had arisen. The old snake-skin dropped and Satan stood in his own shape, a radiant spirit. You bit me, said Adam, embarrassed. For your own good ! God doomed you to death. My bite has filled your blood with a poison that will take away Deaths terrors, that will make him welcome even ! What is this poison called ? said Eve. And Satan replied Syphilis ! As he went away he…
…L All the worlds a brothel, And all the men and women whores and buggers. They have their exits and their entrances. And one man in his time lets many farts. His arsehole being an octave. First the Infant Violently rogered by an aged duke : And then the frigging schoolboy, with his scrotum And shining gland, his spend mere slime of snail Unwilling from the tool. And then the lover Fucking like a furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress bottom. Then a soldier Full of stiff spunk and bollocked like the bull, Jealous of sapphists, sudd…
…nd tedious monograph of a Turkish Mullah, entitled Arseholes : some thoughts about sucking me. The table of my library (I was at this time vicar of Buckingham) was absolutely littered with ap- peals from the various dignitaries of the Church, including the Pope himself, urging me to devote my energies to preparing a counter-blast to the pre- sumption of this audacious heretic. I complied. I issued a public challenge to him to compete with me on the floor of the Albert Hall, he to practice his dogma, and I mine. He refused, which was already …
…d up, with the relish of an old buck of the Regency helping himself to snuff. The tongue of the Archbishop had not been idle during this time ; but the thoughts of his see ever interfered with his more spiritual duties, and he waxed remiss. The Countess, sensible of the neglect, and ac- cepting the same as a slight to her admittedly pox- eaten charms, blew off a fiery fart in his face as a slight mark of her displeasure. It failed of its effect : on the contrary the wor- thy man experienced so powerful a stimulus to his erotic fancies that his …
…y sat- isfying their lust upon the smoking arses of the negroes. My father and mother appeared with my sister and myself, and we lost no time in getting into position for those delights that are the cardi- nal of the family system all the world over. As it was my birthday, I had the chief place. My fathers handsome quickening-peg burrowed my juicy bot- tom-hole, while my mothers central furrow was crushed upon my ploughshare as I lay on my back with my legs in the air. My sister squatted astride my head, and her cauliflower discharged its swe…