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Page 195 of 1971929 · PDF PAGE 248
…f writing "a" instead of "o", assuming that he is free to choose which he will do --- which he isn't. But I bring this principle into my life; it governs me in every action outside my regular reflexes. I am really aware that I do not know whether it would be to my advantage to be hanged. I have only attained to a standard of conduct by referring all my judgments to my will, and until I knew what my true will was, I was utterly at sea. To apply these ideas to the issue which we are discussing. I knew that a poet is incapable of recognizing his b…
1929 · PDF PAGE 557
…h was bleeding all over. We then walked home and he took occasion to thank me for the most unpleasant afternoon he had ever spent in his life. Even then I took the remark lightly. I could not seriously believe that he had been really in torture. It is a fixed idea in my mind that any Englishman of good blood enjoys an adventure, the rougher the better. But the spirit was not in him. Of course, I know that his father's psychology amply accounts for this abject attitude. In him the exhaustion of the stock had reached its climax. I learned later t…
1904 · PDF PAGE 71
…ed, “Then I’m agin it. ” For after some years of consistent Agnosticism, being at last asked to contribute to an Agnostic organ, for the life of me I can think of nothing better than to attack my hosts! Insidious cuckoo! Ungrateful Banyan! My shame drives me to Semetic analogy, and I sadly reflect that if I had been Balaam, I should not have needed an ass other than myself to tell me to do the precise contrary of what is expected of me. For this is my position; w hile the postulate of Agnosticism are in one sense eternal, I believe that the con…
1907 · PDF PAGE 247
…In Ares’ grove, the sworded trees, ii. 90 In Asia, on the Nysian plains, she played, iti. 190 In child-like meditative mood, ili. 165 In Life what hope is always unto men, il. 65 In middle music of Apollo's corn, i. 193 In my distress I made complaint to Death, i, 181 In mystic dolour wrapt, the ascetic turns, Ili. 121
1929 · PDF PAGE 357
…ernoon I went across to his hotel and told him that this nonsense had gone on long enough; and it was time for him to learn something of life; I told him the facts. He regarded them as outrageous lies. I pointed out a hundred indications that they were true, but he was absolutely convinced of her purity and my infamy. I realized that I was wasting my breath. "Come across the road", I said wearily, "and see with your own eyes." I was almost obliged to use actual force, but he came; and there was Dorothy, unadorned, smoking a cigarette on my bed.…
1929 · PDF PAGE 564
… a lunatic. He did not merely insult me but Mr Jacobi, the best of printers, by far the most eminent in England, a man who had spent his life in the service of the art and who had done more for it than any single man since Caxton. Warner, for so my lunatic called himself, spoke of Jacobi in terms that would have been harsh applied to a dishonest office boy. I wrote to Jacobi personally. He replied as I anticipated, but admitted that the control had passed from his hands. Warner flew in even a more furious rage than ever at my having written, an…
1929 · PDF PAGE 574
…by coming forward publicly and testifying under oath to the falsehood of the allegations. Alas, poor Betty! It has been the curse of her life that she cannot act decisively. Sheila had still one more chance to steal from me and she took it. She knew where I had sent my property to be warehoused, and guessing that I had left in London such things as were useless in Sicily, rang up the warehouseman, announced herself as Mrs Crowley, and told them to send to her the goods they where holding to my order. It does not say much for the regulations of …
1929 · PDF PAGE 394
…ther I was bound. I got the 21st Hexagram, which means the open manifestation of one's purpose. I was, in fact, able to re- enter public life after years of seclusion. It means "union by gnawing", which I understood as bidding me to expect to spend my time in persevering efforts to establish relations with various people who could be useful to me, but not to expect to drop into success or to find the obstacles insuperable. This, too, came true. The comment in the Yi King promises successful progress and advises {630} recourse to law. My progres…
1904 · PDF PAGE 6
…r turns his wonderful faculty of analysis upon the funda- mental problems of religion, as it were an axe laid to the root of the Tree of Life. It seems quite clear that he knew what would result if he did so. We cannot help fancy ing that he was unwilling to do this. The proof of his knowledge I find in the following lines:— “I have read much, thought much, experienced much, Yet would rather die than avow my fear The Naples’ liquefaction may be false . . . I hear you recommend, I might at least Eliminate, decrassify my faith Since I adopt it: k…
1929 · PDF PAGE 354
…hat he is cured, and that it means no more to him than any other street. Instantly the old obsession seizes him, and for the rest of his life he searches through Paris for the girl with golden hair, though he knows quite well that even if he found her she would be an old woman. Rose's family and my friends had put pressure on her, and her father wrote to me that I could come back, which I did; but I found that she had simply become more cunning than ever.
1904 · PDF PAGE 113
…aha- satipatthana.) We are told that the memory is a proof of some real “ I.” But how treacherous is this ground! Did a past event in my life not happen because I have forgotten it? O the analogy of the river water given above is most valid! I who write this am not I who read it over and correct it. Do I des ire to play with lead soldiers? Am I the doddering old cripple who must be wheeled about and fed on whisky and bread and milk? And is my difference from them so conspicuously less than from the body lying dead of which those who see it will…
1929 · PDF PAGE 61
…ark, Norway and Sweden. There was a mystery in the streets and a spontaneous gaiety in the places of amusement, which satisfied my soul. Life seemed both more remote and more intense. As a stranger, I never came into contact with the malaise, the soul-searching, the psychological dissatisfaction which Ibsen and Strindberg describe. But though my view was thus entirely superficial, it was none the less in a certain sense profound and accurate. One can get a very good idea of a country by traveling through it in the train. The outward and visible…
1929 · PDF PAGE 495
…get New York, although within half an hour from my office. My salary was twenty dollars a week; two dollars more than that of my typist. Life had taught me to enjoy outrages of this kind. It gave me pleasure to contrast my own generosity with the meanness of
1929 · PDF PAGE 388
…ted out in utter blackness every trace of memory. As I came to myself, I found myself changed. I knew who I was and all the events of my life; but I no longer made myself the centre of their sphere, or their sphere the standard by which I measured the universe. It was a repetition of my experience of 1905, but far more actual. I did not merely admit that I did not exist, and that all my ideas were illusions, inane and insane. I felt these facts as facts. It was the difference between book knowledge and experience. It seemed incredible that I sh…
1929 · PDF PAGE 146
…hang from the {252} ceiling. These things are done exactly as English children sometimes torture animals. He says that the whole of this life has been poisoned by realizing the existence of this instinct, which seemed to him a fatal objection to any possible justification of the universe. I cannot follow him so far. I can understand that every possible combination of qualities may exist somewhere and that I have no right even to assume that my own detestation of such things proves them to be unjustifiable. I really rather agree with "Greenland'…
1929 · PDF PAGE 298
…by means of an ineffably beautiful rhythm and rime scheme. On this whole journey I composed only tow poems, and for the first time in my life I did not write them down, so to speak, automatically; I made up the verses in my head and only took pen when they were complete. The second of the poems, "The King Ghost", is most peculiar psychologically. It is as if I had been stripped to the skin of my infinite mentality. It refers to the country south of Yunnanfu where the North Wind, or rather North Draught, was the dominant demon of the desert. The…
1905 · PDF PAGE 232
…od or bad, all alike hinder and help (and there is not one whose function is not thus double) the realisation of his true unity with all life, This circumstance serves to explain, though perhaps not to excuse, the lack of dramatic action in the story. Love being throughout the symbol of his method, as Beauty of its object, it is through Love, refined into Pity, that he at last attains the Supreme Know- ledge, or at least sufficient of it to put the last straw on the back of his corporeal camel, and bring the story to a fitting end. To pass to m…
1929 · PDF PAGE 347
…rs. He had been prevented from doing so, in fact, but all sorts of superstitions about the terrible danger of leading a normal wholesome life. The neuroses thus
1929 · PDF PAGE 292
… by disease, to take quarantine measures. I found the Bengali seated at his table before a plate of rice such as I have never seen in my life. There was certainly enough for six average people. I stayed a few moments to watch the process of deglutition. It was well worth seeing; and from the debris on the table, it was clear that this was
1929 · PDF PAGE 389
… as if aping its model. His main object was to induce O.V. to leave the circle, or to break into it; so as to obsess him, to live in his life. O.V. had many narrow escapes, and once Choronzon made a long speech at a great pace to keep O.V. so busy writing it down that he would not notice that sand was being thrown from the Triangle so as to obliterate the Circle. The torrent of obscene blasphemy was beyond his power to keep up, concentration being impossible. It became an incoherent series of cries; then suddenly, perhaps catching the idea from…